


A Man of Two Worlds

by Uhurathe9th



Series: Uhura's World Series [13]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Telepathic Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24416194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uhurathe9th/pseuds/Uhurathe9th
Summary: This is a story on Spock's inner man, something that reflects his life as a whole. This is part 13 of Uhura's World Series.
Relationships: Grayson - Relationship, Spock/Nyota Uhura
Series: Uhura's World Series [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1185236
Kudos: 6





	A Man of Two Worlds

**Author's Note:**

> I've been thinking about that phrase I hear from the Abrams Timeline: "A child of two worlds." And I think of how hard it is to be a mixture of two different cultures, two different biologies. If you remember from the episode "Journey to Babel," where Amanda tried to comfort Spock about his heritage, she addressed the human part of him, which has empathy and understanding for Sarek. But Spock chose his Vulcan side and tried to make his mother understand the reasons for his decision not to leave his post. I want to explore the human part (the inner man) of Spock, which struggles for identity and a place in his universe, especially in regard to love. Here is my impression of how it would have gone if Spockah the Vulcan and Grayson the human had met Nyota in a mind meld, and how would the human half react.

Grayson sat nervously, waiting to meet her—finally. First, he sat with his fists wrapped tightly around each other, then he would wring his hands. It was obvious he was frightened, wondering if she would accept him. Because no one has seen him, other his mother through her eyes.

Spockah stood next to him: confident, relaxed, his arms at rest, folded behind his back. He looked down at the other part of him, his human half, and saw Grayson’s edginess, felt his uncertainty. He did notunderstand why Grayson was nervous. Spockah wore the S'chn T'gai clan's formal robe, with the family history written along the side in Vulcansu. It had a bluish silver tint to it, revealing the embossed letters. His hair was styled in the tradition of his people; he was clean-shaven and handsome for Vulcan of his age. Spockah closed his eyes to mediate and control the storm of emotion around them. Spockah was the logical one; he followed the teachings from the Way of Surak in order to keep them balanced. He had saved them both from destroying themselves; logic had faithfully had its purpose while he was growing up on Vulcan and it continued to serve him well in his Starfleet career.

Spockah had accomplished what most other Vulcans desired and could not. If he had attended the Vulcan Science Academy, the instructors would have found him to have an exceptionally well-developed mind. He could have continued the achievements of his forefathers, but that did not happen. Although Grayson/Spockah were a manifestation of the concept of IDIC—infinite diversity in infinite combinations—a tenet of the Vulcan philosophy developed by his forefather Surak, many Vulcans simply could not see past his human heritage.The Vulcan Science Academy had extended him an invitation to attend the storied institution with one hand but had dealt them the worst of insults with the other, commenting that Spockah had accomplished his impressive achievements despite his lesser heritage. Spockah realized in that moment that no matter what he achieved at the Academy, he would never be considered Vulcan enough by many Vulcans.

Spockah was aware that the healers had suspected his telepathy was advanced and attempted to investigate his abilities. Knowing that exploitation was common in this universe, Spockah had allowed himself to reveal only average psi abilities; he held back his powers so that the healers would leave him be and not place him in a lab to be probed. He knew how the minds of his fellow Vulcans worked and was disappointed in their treatment of him as only a subject for investigation, rather than as a person entitled to pursue his own goals and satisfaction.

Spockah had to protect Grayson, not because he was weak but because they were in this together. He had the ability to read peoples’ reactions and sumize their intentions.Also Grayson was more adaptable to human interactions, but it came with a price. Spockah would always protect him; it had become his duty, a long-suffering duty.

His human half, Grayson, was always troubled; he felt he could never make the right decision. His emotions in a crisis would often cause Spockah to retreat into deep mediation to gather their thoughts and process their emotions. Spockah always took care of him, especially around his father and paternal grandmother, T'Pau. Grayson had always known his mother loved him when he was a child; they would secretly talk and hug each other. He had felt her love and he basked in it; now he missed it. Spockah had told him it was unacceptable on Vulcan to display extreme emotions; it would be detrimental to their survival. So Grayson held back his personal thoughts, ideas, comments, and feelings. Spockah showed him how to do this, but it was difficult for him.

Grayson remembered his first crush, on a woman named Leila Kalomi; she was nice. But she liked him, something that had never happened since I-Chaya. Spockah had forbidden him to have a relationship with Leila, stating that Terrans would not understand or respect Vulcan customs, so they both agreed to shun her. But Grayson saw the hurt in her eyes and the barrier between them made it unbearable, setting up many missed opportunities for love. Then years later, they found her again. She drugged them; Spockah fought it, and for the first time, Grayson saw fear in him. Spockah fell unconscious on the ground, and Grayson came to consciousness stood up and looked at Leila, who told him she loved him since the academy. Grayson smiled for the first time in decades and freely expressed his feelings toward her. They made love. It felt so good, Grayson wanted more, someone to share his life with. Grayson had laughed with her, and started to feel alive without barriers. Leila said they could have a home there and have a family, and Spockah had wanted it too. But it didn't last; cruel reality came rushing back. Spockah told Kirk for the first time in his life he was ‘happy’.*

Spockah reminded Grayson of their bride, T'Pring. He said they were promised to her for life, and the betrothal was the only assurance they had of having a mate when their Time came. Grayson told Spockah that he had reservations about their commitment to T'Pring. Their bond with her was so weak as to be almost nonexistent, but Spockah stated that it could not be broken. Grayson became angry with Spockah. He demanded to know why they could not seek love with someone else. Spockah stated that love was not part of the equation. Grayson told Spockah that T'Pring was not true and didn't care for them. But Spockah would only recite the laws and the pledge.

Grayson told Spockah she would hurt them because of him not being Vulcan, and she had. T'Pring had made them kill their only friend during their Kal-i-fee. She had made their existence unbearable, and her reason for it was utterly selfish. But when they saw Jim alive, Grayon’s joy pierced Spockah's emotionless façade, shocking him by revealing their true feelings. But it came with a price, that both Spockah/Grayson withdrew into deep mediation, that they considered Kolinahr.

Grayson looked up at his image: "Will she accept us? Will she accept me?"

Spockah looked at his other half: "I explained our customs to her; she has accepted us willingly."

Grayson ran his hands through his hair, trying to concentrate.

"I–I am ready, Spockah."

Spockah glanced at Grayson and left to bring their betrothed.

Grayson remembered when he first heard Nyota sing; she sang while they played. Her smile touched Grayson—and Spockah as well. Grayosn was surprised by Spockah's reaction; they finally agreed on something. Nyota would sit for hours playing her lyre; she played it while they played theirs. Grayson sensed that Spockah felt content for the first time since he had last been hugged by their mother. Nyota was different; she was the only person besides their mother that they felt comfortable being themselves around. But when Nyota touched them, it felt like magic—sparks and tingling sensations flooded their thoughts, their body. For the first time, Spockah and Grayson stood together desiring the same woman. They fell in love right away:

"She's the one, Spockah. I can feel it. We must make her be with us."

"How? I have no experience with Terran courtship."

"I have some ideas, but I must lead."

Spockah was doubtful. Terrans females were complex people. Spock looked at his other half:

"We can do this together; then Nyota will understand. She only sees you; she'll trust you."

Grayson/Spockah declared their intentions to Nyota and she accepted. Now she would meet him, the part not seen.

Grayson turned to see her coming with Spockah. Their fingers were joined in the _ozh'esta_ _._ She was wearing a long dress with bold colors: blue, green, and white. The way Nyota walked with grace, her hips swaying, displaying her smooth curve body. Her dark brown hair draped around her shoulders, and she was wearing those green hoop earrings. Her skin was mocha brown and glowing; her lovely eyes were deep brown. But nothing compared to the full lips that graced her face, making Grayson want to kiss them without end.

Grayson's heart started to race as she approached. Then she stopped and looked curiously at the two of them. She let go of Spockah's hand and walked alone towards Grayson, stopping to examine his face closely. Her hand reached for his long black hair that fell to his chest. Nyota felt the texture with a look of amazement on her face; then she pulled back his hair and gasped at the sight of his ears. She leaned forward for a better view of Grayson's curved ears, and then she moved his bangs from his forehead to reveal curved eyebrows. Nyota gave an astonished look and then cupped his face and looked into his eyes.

"Spock?" she whispered.

"Yes, my Nyota," he said, as tears filled his eyes. _She knows me._ He reached for her hand, kissing it and giving her a wide smile. “But call me Grayson”

"You have long hair! You look so handsome!"

Grayson chuckled at her remark.

"OH MY GOD, YOU'RE LAUGHING!"

"Yes, I am, Nyota" he said, breaking into a wide smile. Grayson leaned into her hand again and kissed it. It felt so good to touch her; he rubbed her hand across his cheek and closed his eyes.

_She's real—I can't believe it; she's here with me—with us._

"Are you real, Nyota?"

"Yes, my beloved. I am real. Oh my, look at your smile! It—it's beautiful!"

Nyota was amazed looking at the human Spock called Grayson. _He's so cute with the long hair and round ears_. This half of her beloved, his eyes were so gentle, longing for love. _They were so lonely, but I'm here now._

Grayson continued to touch Nyota arms, taking in everything about her from his senses. He leaned in to smell her essence. Then he wrapped his arms around her and held her close, tears starting to fall down his face. He had waited so long for someone; it was her.

"Thank you, Nyota. I–I–love you."

He gave Nyota a deep, sizzling kiss that took her breath away. He saw her long lashes close over her eyes. _Her lips are so soft, so full—and she tastes good._ _She is so beautiful!_

Nyota steps back and gasped, turning around to look at Spockah, who bowed his head in agreement. She had never thought he could bring himself to say those words, but here was Grayson, saying them for the both of them. Tears poured down her cheeks as she turned back to Spock. _That kiss was awesome; whoa, what a kisser!_

"I love you too; I love you both. You are my life, my world, now."

Grayson leaned in until their foreheads touched, closing his eyes and holding Nyota. "You are Mine! I belong to you."

They stood like that for a few minutes, as he held Nyota against his body, absorbing every inch of her.

"Come my love, let's sit and talk," Grayson said, grabbing her hand and leading her to a bench.

Nyota looked at him in shock: _He called me_ _‘_ _my love’_ _!_ _The human side of him is so affectionate and touchy-feely, he's_ _handsome_ _and a kisser!_ She couldn't get over how different Grayson and Spockah were. Grayson looks bohemian, with his long hair and open expression. Nyota sat and stared at him.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"First, you look so relaxed and affectionate. Second, your hair—it's long and you look handsome with it. I like it!"

Grayson turned to Spockah and smiled at him; Spockah replied by arching one of his brows.

"He thinks I'm undisciplined because of it," Grayson said, pointing his thumb in Spockah's direction. Nyota touched his hair again, feeling the length of it.

"I think it becomes you."

"Really?" Grayson scooted closer to Nyota; he took her face in his two hands and started to pepper her with kisses. He couldn't get enough of her; the love flowed from him without control. Nyota giggled at all the attention he was giving her.

"Oh, Grayson."

He looked into her eyes. She was everything that he could have imagined, hoped for, and dreamed about. Nyota was there with him; her presence was a balm that soothed his mind and body. He leaned his head on her shoulder and breathed in her scent while caressing her hand. Then he closed his eyes and began to sing a song familiar to her.

_"The skies are green and glowing,_

_Where my heart is,_

_Where my heart is,_

_Where the scented lunar flower is blooming,_

_Somewhere, beyond the stars,_

_Beyond Antares."**_

"OH MY GOD! YOU SING, TOO?! I didn't know you could sing, Grayson! That was beautiful."

"Yes, I love to sing, dance, paint—abstract though—and play musical instruments."

Nyota looked at Spockah again. Spockah nodded his head in agreement. Their voice was deep, rich that it vibrated a tone of sexuality. Nyota had no idea that they had hidden those talents from her;

"Spockah allows me to express myself mostly through music; everything else? Well, I have to keep it here. I was impressed with your singing talent; I longed for you to sing just for me. When you did sing, I imagined that you were singing just for me. But when I saw you play the _Ka'athyra,_ I knew we could make beautiful music together."

Grayson raised her hands to his lips and kissed her knuckles while gazing into her eyes, seeing the love in them. Grayson smiled again. _I can't believe she's here!_ _I can’t believe she loves us!_ Grayson’s heart leaped, just the thought of her made every part of his body shake.

"Yes, I remember when we were in the rec room and I did that impromptu performance for the crew. Your timing was great, Grayson!"

"Your ad lib was great, my love."

Nyota's heart jumped every time he uttered an endearment. She found it strange but sexy at the same time. She squeezed his hand and smiled at him in acceptance.

Grayson sat up and looked at her, knowing that they did not have much time; he had to make the best of it.

"Let's dance!"

"Dance? We have no music?"

"I'll hum it." Grayson stood up and stretched out his hand. She stood; he gently placed his hand around her waist and started humming a slow song. Nyota had her hand on his shoulder as Grayson led; he was a natural dancer. They waltzed around, then he gave her a twirl as he hummed a song out loud, which made her laugh.

Nyota couldn’t believe Grayson could dance, his hands are so warm. His eyes sparkling at her, This part about Grayson is amazing, he’s making her heart melt.

"Ta da ta da da da..."

"This is wonderful, Grayson. Thank you!"

Grayson stopped and gave her a serious look: "Nyota, I should be thanking you; you saved us."

"Saved us? What do you mean?" Nyota gave Grayson a puzzled look, she saw the seriousness in his eyes, the hurt, pain and struggle.

Spockah approached and stood next to Grayson. Nyota watching them standing next to each other, she saw two handsome men with the same look in their eyes.

"Life has been difficult for us; no one of either of our heritages understands us. We are alone, Nyota. We have had no one to share our life with, until you." said Grayson.

Tears started to roll down her face. She had always seen Spockah as her strong-minded commander, making life-and-death decisions. His was a brilliant mind, solving the problems of the universe, but until this moment, she had never understood how alone he had been. The concept had never crossed her mind.

"We have endured prejudice, jealousy, and hatred of all kinds. Except for Jim and Leonard, we have never had friends. We've been alone since childhood. But you, Nyota, gave us something we longed for, your boundless love; we never had anything like that, and it's a new experience for us. It's pure, beautiful, and unmeasurable."

Nyota walked toward the two of them and stood between them, wrapping an arm around each of them.

"Spockah and I have been at odds; we can't make each other see situations in the same way, but now the three of us can become one—if you chose to bond with us."

Grayson and Spockah looked down at Nyota, and her eyes held the answer they both had been waiting for. She hadn't known that they were on self-destructive course because neither could live in peace in any world and they were tired of the loneliness.

"I would be honored to bond with you."

The three of them touched their forefingers together. Grayson turned to Spockah and smiled at him and Spockah bowed his head in agreement:

"She loves us both."

The three of them sat on the bench and shared stories until Nyota started to yawn. Spockah stood up.

"It is time to let Nyota go, Grayson. She needs rest after the mind meld."

"I agree with Spockah. Nyota it is time to rest; your body is taxed."

"I know, but I’m having a wonderful time."

"We will set a date for our bonding, and then we can be together always."

"I can hardly wait! I love you both."

"I love you," Spock replied.

_"_ _K'hat'n'dlawa_ ," Spockah said.

Nyota kissed each of her Spocks on the lips, and Spockah led her back.

Grayson sat on the bench and watched her go. A sense of intense longing hit him. He wanted her to stay; he loved her, of course. But having had her with him for so short a time made him acutely—painfully—aware of her absence. _We must bond soon; I can't wait anymore!_

Spock covered his face and cried tears of relief: _Finally we can live; we have a purpose._

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Star Trek TOS: *This Side of Paradise  
> **Conscience of the King


End file.
